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04.05.2019 08:42
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Jaris grief and guilt over Anias death became too much for him to handle. So, a few months after her passing, in the fall and winter of 2007, he shut down in every way imaginable—physically, mentally and emotionally. He virtually locked himself away in his condo on Lake Shore Boulevard West. He rarely showered or shaved. He barely ate. He communicated with no one, not even with his dearest friends or famous NHL clients like Jason Spezza or Brent Burns or their families, whom hed known since theyd come to him as young kids, age 11 for Spezza, age eight for Burns.Jari Byrski just went off the grid and into a deep pit of despair. "I went down, down, down," Byrski said. "It was horrible. My guilt was overwhelming. I wasnt able to do anything, see anyone. There was too much pain to go back to the rink and talk about it, to talk about Ania. I just couldnt cope with the pain."There were many days in that fall and winter of 2007, during what amounted to a four-month moratorium on living, when Byrski thought he would be better off dead. He would go to the apartments solarium, open the door to the balcony and look down the 33 floors to the ground below and wonder if that was all that was left for him. "I cant tell you how many times I said, This is it, Im going to jump. I already felt as though I had died. I already felt as though I had already landed on the ground. I was already dead inside. Ania meant so much to me. I was not comfortable with the guilt I had. All my love could not help her with the cancer. The doctors gave her three months to live; it turned out to be 13 months. But to see her suffer like she did, the last two or three months, it was awful. She wanted to die at home, but I did that all wrong. It was terrible. I had guilt about that. I worked too much when she was alive and healthy. I felt guilt for that. So much guilt, about everything."Byrski isnt sure why he didnt jump off his balcony to end it all, doesnt know exactly what held him back. Hes not even sure why he happened to have the TV on that day after New Years Day in 2008. But there he was, sitting in an almost catatonic daze on his leather couch, seemingly incapable of caring about anything. But then he heard a familiar voice coming from the television, an old friend, talking about Team Canada at the World Junior Championship and, in particular, a goal by Stamkos, who had first come to Byrski for skating and skill instruction when he was just 10 years old.Something twigged inside him."I knew the person who was analyzing the game [on TV], I knew the boy who scored the goal ... I dont know why, because I had no interest in anything, but I took some interest in this, so I kept watching, getting more interested," said Byrski.The Stamkos goal—scored at 2:20 of the third period, the third of Canadas four goals in a 4–3 quarter-final victory over Finland at the 2008 WJC—rekindled a fire within Byrski. Slowly but surely, he started to care again. He was actually inspired. He could feel energy returning to his body and soul. It was during the next few days of that tournament that he went back to one of his great passions in life: painting, expressing himself through art.Byrski painted a picture of Stamkos, his arms aloft after scoring "The Goal," set against a backdrop of a big Canadian flag, with a smaller inset depiction of Stamkos shooting the puck,a gold medal and the flags of the participating countries on little pucks.On the reverse side of the painting, Byrski penned a deeply personal poem, not only as a tribute to Stamkos, who was months away from becoming the No. 1 pick in the 2008 NHL Entry Draft and bona fide pro hockey superstar, but as an expression of gratitude for the young man unknowingly saving a life, his life:You stood at the top of the mountain, Wrapped in a golden and joyful fountain. Admired by the world around, Bringing and sharing the moment with us so profound. With a smile on youthful face,Touching us all in your embrace. Reaching with grace to your dream,Being part of something greater than teams.When your life with that spark,Can bring the light to what was dark,Can bring the feeling of being partOf your talents, gift and open heart.Giving your warmth to the world that became too cold.Thank you . . . Jari.Not long after he completed the painting and inscription, Byrski, back from the brink, met with Stamkos and gave him the painting."I gave it to him, I think it was in February or March," Byrski said, "and it was at that moment I decided Im going back to my life. That was the turning point. There was no looking back. . . . I decided then thats who I am, thats who I have to be."Stamkos was well aware his friend Jari had experienced difficulty dealing with the death of Ania, but never could have imagined the depth of it, how desperate and depressed Jari had become. Stamkos, at age 17, couldnt possibly have known how important the painting and poem were in restoring a shattered life."When I hear that [story] now," Stamkos said, "I get chills thinking about it."Excerpt from Hockey Confidential: Inside Stories from People Inside the Game by Bob McKenzie ©2014. Published by Harper Collins Canada. All rights reserved. 
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